(Kanda's eyes follow the transfer of meat onto the plate and for a moment his eyes linger there. He is sure he smells a familiar scent of beef, it also looks like beef with the transition from pink to brown. He licks the top of his teeth and recognizes the anticipation of food from within his gut. He didn't consider being hungry until Todoroki started sizzling the pieces of meat on the crystal.)
I'm not a hero.
(The distinguish was necessary, less Todoroki get the wrong idea.)
I'm an exorcist, I kill demons, saving people was more of a side objective, an indirect consequence of eradicating the demons threatening them.
Whether it's intentional or not, I think you still might be to some people.
[He's not going to argue so much about it, though, because he understands. Enji's always been the type to focus on hurting bad people before they can hurt others, but it still gave him the title of hero even when he didn't feel like one. He also doesn't have the outgoing personality that top heroes are expected to have. He hates public appearances, interviews, photoshoots, meetings. If he could just fight criminals all day he'd be satisfied.]
It seems dangerous. You must be a skilled fighter for that sort of thing. I'd like to see some time.
[Enji flips the meat and packs more onto Kanda's plate, wanting the younger to eat up first because he knows how his appetite can be.]
(Kanda pulls in a breath and holds it for a moment. His thoughts went to people he's "saved" from the akuma and whether or not they felt he was a hero or someone to waken them up from their illusions. Akuma were made from sorrow, despair, and betrayal. People would be tempted to bring back the dead only for those brought back to kill them and wear their skin. There have been plenty of times where Kanda destroyed the impostor and those around the demon were angry because to them it was another loss. Instead of losing one, they lost two. It didn't matter to them, sometimes, that their "loved one" was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
It wasn't always like that, however, there were some that were genuinely relieved.
The comment about the fighting was much easier to think about.)
Next time there's a threat, we'll fight it off together.
[Enji's mind is able to process his thoughts, cook the meat, and carry on the conversation all at once without issues this time. It helps that Kanda seems to be as introspective as he is so there's not too much conversation to keep track of when two quiet people are together. The silence doesn't bother him, though. It feels comfortable that he doesn't have to find things to say to fill up the moments of quiet.]
Yes, I'd like that.
[When half the meat is cooked, he pours the dipping sauces into smaller containers and puts them in front of Kanda.]
(Kanda shook his head gently. He would wait. He is content in watching Todoroki cooking, anyway, and his thoughts move from the preparation of the food, from the jellyfish, to what else may come. So far, having been here with the older man has been nice. They both worked well together - or lived well together, rather. Kanda was used to sharing a large structure with so many exorcists, scientists, finders, researchers, priests, and so forth that the only privacy he had was in his room. Though that may still be true for this housing situation, he still feels as if he's got his own little space outside of his room as well, with Todoroki. He wouldn't ever presume to take more than he needed, nor would he begin to leave his things scattered about. He kept his room tidy and had thus far been conscious of himself around the apartment. Todoroki made it easy for Kanda to want to stay with the older man.
Though, he wondered if that would change if Todoroki's relationships with the others he knows here changes. Perhaps his son? Kanda wouldn't stay if that were the case.)
[He takes care in finishing the meat when Kanda insists he'll wait. So he makes a point of giving Kanda some of every type of meat since he's not sure yet what he likes, and maybe goes too far piling it onto his plate. Enji liked to eat, so he got a lot of meat, there'd be plenty for both of them. He wasn't much a fan of vegetables but he also got some of that that he sets on the grill to cook.
Once it's all done he takes up his eating utensils and reaches for his bowl of rice with the other hand.] Itadakimasu.
[It wasn't likely that his son would forgive him for a lifetime of mistreatment any time soon (or ever), so Kanda had nothing to worry about there. He'll have a home here as long as he wants it.]
(Perhaps Kanda's more comfortable with Todoroki preparing his food, it was easy to stand there and wait for his plate to be prepared than it was to do it himself. It was likely due to how he's accustomed to eating food at the Black Order - a chef preparing it through a kitchen window and passing it through once it's done. There was some comfort in the familiarity; although, at this time, it was subconscious as Kanda was lost in his thoughts about his future fate in this world. Even Todoroki's fate. What would come of them both here, what would come of their relationships with the ones they knew from home because of being here.)
Hm..?
Yes.
(Kanda's sure it will taste as good as it looks and smells, there was a lot more care in this meal than what he'd put into meals he'd prepared on his own at home. He often went without seasoning - and one of the first things he did notice about being here was the food was potent. Over-seasoned, even. Like everyone's palate had gone numb.)
[Enji was no stranger to having to do this sort of thing when his children were very young, but back then he even had to cut their meat into smaller pieces. Though for the most part his wife had handled most of that.]
I hope you like it.
[The benefit of making a dipping sauce is that it's optional. If Kanda wants more flavor he can use it, and if not then there's no reason why he would need to add anything to it. Enji puts some of the meat into his mouth, and his chopsticks pick up rice to put into his mouth as well, chewing with some reassurance that the taste wasn't horrible.]
I don't cook frequently, so if this isn't good, you won't have to worry about me doing this too often.
(Having the experience of often being cooked for, Kanda raises his eyes at the comment. He's a bite in himself and so far it tastes fine to him. He opts for just a dab of sauce and a bit of salt and another bite down before he speaks.)
It's nice. Thank you for bringing this home.. and sharing it with me.
(Kanda isn't disappointed, not that he anticipated being so. Todoroki was still as kind as ever and obliged Kanda's wishes .. such as this request. He's glad to know Todoroki even more so, through this experience.)
You enjoy this.. even if it's not often you do this?
No need to thank me. It reminded me of home just for a little while.
[It makes him feel better if he thinks of it as something he did for himself more than Kanda. If he doesn't think that way he wouldn't know how to respond to being thanked and having gratitude placed on him for something so simple.]
Yes. There's more to enjoy when it's rare. [He smiles only for a few moments before he's eating again. Enji is glad to have shared something he liked with someone else.] Maybe we can do this again some day.
(Kanda tucks into his meal, quietly. He doesn't speak up until he's had about a third of the plate.)
Do you want a drink?
(He found some sake that he'd brought home along with some plum wine.) I'll get it. (He sat his plate down and moves toward the kitchen to retrieve whatever Todoroki would request while he chooses the plum wine for himself.)
[Enji usually doesn't drink when he's home, but here there's not a lot of work to do, so he nods after considering the request for a moment longer.]
Yes, I think I'll have some.
[When Kanda returns with the wine and sake he sits up straight, his features turning into a slight smile. It's the sort of alcohol that he's familiar with. Since he's not able to leave all the work to Kanda, he stands to join him in the kitchen, moving past him a bit to get into the cabinet for two glasses.]
(Kanda's a fast healer, drinking had never been an issue before - except.. the last time he over did it back home and realized, for the first time, what a hangover was. It was absolutely terrible and he didn't intend on putting himself through any unnecessary predicaments such as that. He intends to pour himself just one cup of wine and plans to only have that.
Kanda gently huffs through a smirk as Todoroki comes over to help. He watches him retrieve the glasses and as soon as the other sets the glasses down, Kanda reaches out to grip the man's wrist. His eyes settle on Todoroki's.)
[The touch to his wrist causes him to freeze after he's set down the glasses. He's flustered enough by the contact and the bit of chroma just from the touch that he glances away from making eye contact, but manages to nod.]
Alright...I think I'll have the wine, then. [He speaks quietly, daring another look at Kanda as he allows him to take care of it. Even when the hand is no longer on his wrist he feels the lingering warmth from the touch on his skin, or it's his imagination and he's losing his mind.]
(Kanda's left with his hand upturned and his eyes downcast to his palm. He felt it too. He felt it the chroma. It felt good, it felt warm, and he felt his body respond in an unfamiliar way that was more welcomed than he would have thought he'd ever feel after touching someone. What possessed him to touch Todoroki was likely the same thing that lingered beneath his flesh after having touched the other man. An urge to feel another one rather than avoid of one of their basic needs here. Like water, food, sleep, touch was another need they had.
Kanda was dumbfounded for a good moment before he lowered his hand and looked to the wine bottle with a heavy frown. Touching an object like this wasn't at all as appetizing as touching Todoroki's flesh.)
Wait..
(He turns his head toward the large man, then stalks forward to close the space between them. His hand reaches out again, but he doesn't touch Todoroki, instead he waits to see if the other will initiate the touch on his own.)
[For a moment Enji's concerned that he's done something wrong because Kanda stopped what he's doing and seems to be looking at the hand that was just touching his. Had he forgotten to make his skin a suitable temperature? Did he burn the other man's hand by mistake?
And then he speaks again before Enji can apologize.]
What's wrong?
[Enji looks at the hand extended to him, and he feels no need to take it outside of wanting to feel that slow chroma generation. He's not sure if it's appropriate, or if he would do something like that normally. Still, since Kanda holds out his hand he reaches out to take it carefully. Because of his fire abilities his skin is warmer than average, and the warm pleasant feeling of chroma building makes it just a bit warmer.
He's not used to this, and he's not sure how long to keep their hands pressed together.]
(Kanda receives the touch, intending to hold his own palm against Todoroki's. He can feel warmth against his skin, it's not something that strikes up concern or interest outside the particular sense of the chroma tingling beneath his flesh-- or between both of their skin. From himself to Todoroki or from the other man to Kanda. His eyes watch the hands as if the more he stared the more he would be able to interpret what was happening.
He wasn't confident he understood this response and though it may be unique to this world, he can't help but wonder if some of the scientists back home might have a better explanation for what is happening between Todoroki and himself. As if it were yet to be discovered - a better way in connecting with one another, a more efficient way? Or did this make things more complicated?
This was the first time he'd held onto someone here, like this, purposely for this alone. Todoroki was the only person here he felt safe enough to do so, in any case. Kanda finally pulls his hand back and his fingertips purposely draw down the other man's larger hand and pinch together in a caress at the center of Todoroki's palm. He pulls his hand back then, his forefinger and thumb pressed together, and he looks at his fingers, as if he was pulling a thread from the other's flesh - but nothing was there, save for the residual feeling of the man's chroma.)
[The size of their hands are noticeably different, but his eyes leave the image of Kanda's hand pressed to his own to study his face instead. He's so focused on trying to analyze what's happening between their hands that soon Enji begins to wonder if perhaps he can sense something about it that no one else can.
He keeps quiet because he doesn't want to interrupt Kanda's focus, and his stare goes back to the smaller hand touching and exploring his palm. It feels nice to have this sort of contact. Like when Kanda touched his wrist just before but better. How much of that was because of the chroma and how much was something else? He doesn't want to think about it, so he pulls his hand away, making a fist with it and opening his hand again to look at it.]
I don't understand how it works. [He mumbles the words quietly after a moment, still feeling residual heat on his palm. It doesn't feel bad, but he doesn't want to allow himself to admit that he enjoyed it either. At least it had been with Kanda and not anyone else he wouldn't trust to make contact with.]
(Kanda softly nods, he doesn't know either. It was probably obvious from the dumb way he's staring at his hand. As if answers were going to start flashing between his fingers or across his palm. It didn't have to make sense to Kanda, did it?
For a moment he forgets what he's doing so he brings his eyes up to stare at Todoroki instead. He's lost in the bewilderment of it all, how could a world collect so many different people from so many different worlds or parallel universes, or even timelines on the same world? It was enough thought to encourage the overwhelming stupor he feels for being lost in the thick of it.
Wine.. right.
Kanda breaks the stare and lowers his attention to his task at hand: it's simple, it's manageable, it's far more kind than trying to draw any sense of their position here, their meaning of life here.
Once he fills a glass full he immediately brings it to his lips and drinks the room-temperature liquor. It goes down smoothly and sweetly. It's about as much as he can tolerate, anything sweeter would be too much.)
[And almost as quickly as it began, the tension in the air seems to pass. Even as it does he can feel the pressure of Kanda's eyes staring at him, and meets his gaze for a moment longer until they look away from each other soon after.
Yes, the wine. It slipped his mind as well.]
Thank you.
[Just as soon as his gets poured, Enji does the same. It warms him up on the way down. Adding fuel for the fire he could burn if he wanted to. But there's no need for flames here when he's safe at home and in good company. He thinks Kanda is better company that he could have hoped for. Even at home he had very few people he could trust this much.]
(He was curious to the moonlacing, but momentarily satisfied with the phenomenon he just experienced with it. Although, he couldn't help but wonder if most of it was in his head. If this whole warmth, sensation, and tingling response within his body was only just feeding a fiction of what to expect when touching another.
He knew better, however, this wasn't something he could will away because it was uncomfortable. It was more uncomfortable due to the fact that he felt as if he had no control over it, like he would eventually need to have skin on skin contact. For the longest time he only counted on himself, on his own power, on his own ability to heal and recover.
This world told him he needed others. He needed Todoroki - which wasn't too far off the mark, seeing as how he's come to depend on him so much already.
Kanda idled with the glass of wine, sipping every so often, while his thoughts came and went.)
[Even if they weren't discussing it at length, Enji can tell that they have similar feelings toward it. A thing that they're told is meant to help them heal and generate energy is the same thing giving power to those keeping them there. It's suspicious, he doesn't trust it, but it doesn't seem to feel as bad as he wishes it did.
Maybe refusing it was not going to be possible forever, and when that happened who would it be with What would the circumstances be like? Enji frowns and sips his drink as well. There were very few people here that he trusted enough to entertain that thought with, but Kanda was slowly inching his way up that short list.]
(Kanda agrees by taking another sip from his glass. He sets it down and softly hums for a noise of confirmation that he agreed. His eyes were mostly between his hand and Todoroki's. It was moments like this that he was left thinking about that he never really had to think about before.
His usual response to someone who brushed past him, touched him, put their hands on him was to move away from that contact - but he didn't really sit for long in thought about the transgression. Here, however, it was undeniably something on the forefront of his mind. It wasn't just touching, either, it was the encouragement of kissing, copulating, being so intimately physical with one another. As if something like that was easy to do - was it easy?
Kanda wasn't normal even in his culture by a long shot, an artificial human raised in a fish tank until he was nine years of age. He's only been on his feet for about a decade - and his time was pretty much all focused on the Black Order's agenda. He sat there for some time, lost in his thoughts, a common space Todoroki would have recognized Kanda to be in by now.)
[He's never sure what Kanda is thinking about when he becomes silent, but he doesn't mind it. Sometimes people needed time alone with their thoughts and feelings to figure things out. Maybe because he's doing the same thing.
He considers his options for realistically managing to survive in a place that requires such things, and at some point he will have to do some form of moonlacing, but hopefully it won't be forced on him. After a long slow breath he takes another drink from his glass and glances at his new room mate again. He still seems very deep in thought, so without prompting he takes the bottle to pour just a bit more wine into each glass. Just a bit more before bed seemed alright.]
I shouldn't keep you away from other things you have planned. Thank you for eating with me, we'll do it again. Often, I hope.
(Todoroki's words are more efficient in striking Kanda's attention than the added wine to his glass. He grounds himself in the here and now by reaching for the glass and concentrating on the feel of the smooth texture and cool atmosphere of the circumference that holds the wine. He looks to Todoroki and glances down to the other's lips as he repeats the older man's words.)
Yes.
(He brings his eyes up to the other's and looks between them before he settled his eyes on the red hair. His lips part just enough for a breath before he speaks again.)
I can prepare our next meal.
(He then finds himself wanting to warn the other:)
Though, it may be bland to your palate.. so.. if you would tell me the seasoning you prefer I can incorporate them in the preparation.
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I'm not a hero.
(The distinguish was necessary, less Todoroki get the wrong idea.)
I'm an exorcist, I kill demons, saving people was more of a side objective, an indirect consequence of eradicating the demons threatening them.
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[He's not going to argue so much about it, though, because he understands. Enji's always been the type to focus on hurting bad people before they can hurt others, but it still gave him the title of hero even when he didn't feel like one. He also doesn't have the outgoing personality that top heroes are expected to have. He hates public appearances, interviews, photoshoots, meetings. If he could just fight criminals all day he'd be satisfied.]
It seems dangerous. You must be a skilled fighter for that sort of thing. I'd like to see some time.
[Enji flips the meat and packs more onto Kanda's plate, wanting the younger to eat up first because he knows how his appetite can be.]
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It wasn't always like that, however, there were some that were genuinely relieved.
The comment about the fighting was much easier to think about.)
Next time there's a threat, we'll fight it off together.
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Yes, I'd like that.
[When half the meat is cooked, he pours the dipping sauces into smaller containers and puts them in front of Kanda.]
You can start eating first. I don't mind.
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Though, he wondered if that would change if Todoroki's relationships with the others he knows here changes. Perhaps his son? Kanda wouldn't stay if that were the case.)
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Once it's all done he takes up his eating utensils and reaches for his bowl of rice with the other hand.] Itadakimasu.
[It wasn't likely that his son would forgive him for a lifetime of mistreatment any time soon (or ever), so Kanda had nothing to worry about there. He'll have a home here as long as he wants it.]
I hope it tastes as good as it looks.
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Hm..?
Yes.
(Kanda's sure it will taste as good as it looks and smells, there was a lot more care in this meal than what he'd put into meals he'd prepared on his own at home. He often went without seasoning - and one of the first things he did notice about being here was the food was potent. Over-seasoned, even. Like everyone's palate had gone numb.)
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I hope you like it.
[The benefit of making a dipping sauce is that it's optional. If Kanda wants more flavor he can use it, and if not then there's no reason why he would need to add anything to it. Enji puts some of the meat into his mouth, and his chopsticks pick up rice to put into his mouth as well, chewing with some reassurance that the taste wasn't horrible.]
I don't cook frequently, so if this isn't good, you won't have to worry about me doing this too often.
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It's nice. Thank you for bringing this home.. and sharing it with me.
(Kanda isn't disappointed, not that he anticipated being so. Todoroki was still as kind as ever and obliged Kanda's wishes .. such as this request. He's glad to know Todoroki even more so, through this experience.)
You enjoy this.. even if it's not often you do this?
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[It makes him feel better if he thinks of it as something he did for himself more than Kanda. If he doesn't think that way he wouldn't know how to respond to being thanked and having gratitude placed on him for something so simple.]
Yes. There's more to enjoy when it's rare. [He smiles only for a few moments before he's eating again. Enji is glad to have shared something he liked with someone else.] Maybe we can do this again some day.
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Do you want a drink?
(He found some sake that he'd brought home along with some plum wine.) I'll get it. (He sat his plate down and moves toward the kitchen to retrieve whatever Todoroki would request while he chooses the plum wine for himself.)
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Yes, I think I'll have some.
[When Kanda returns with the wine and sake he sits up straight, his features turning into a slight smile. It's the sort of alcohol that he's familiar with. Since he's not able to leave all the work to Kanda, he stands to join him in the kitchen, moving past him a bit to get into the cabinet for two glasses.]
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Kanda gently huffs through a smirk as Todoroki comes over to help. He watches him retrieve the glasses and as soon as the other sets the glasses down, Kanda reaches out to grip the man's wrist. His eyes settle on Todoroki's.)
Let me.
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Alright...I think I'll have the wine, then. [He speaks quietly, daring another look at Kanda as he allows him to take care of it. Even when the hand is no longer on his wrist he feels the lingering warmth from the touch on his skin, or it's his imagination and he's losing his mind.]
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Kanda was dumbfounded for a good moment before he lowered his hand and looked to the wine bottle with a heavy frown. Touching an object like this wasn't at all as appetizing as touching Todoroki's flesh.)
Wait..
(He turns his head toward the large man, then stalks forward to close the space between them. His hand reaches out again, but he doesn't touch Todoroki, instead he waits to see if the other will initiate the touch on his own.)
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And then he speaks again before Enji can apologize.]
What's wrong?
[Enji looks at the hand extended to him, and he feels no need to take it outside of wanting to feel that slow chroma generation. He's not sure if it's appropriate, or if he would do something like that normally. Still, since Kanda holds out his hand he reaches out to take it carefully. Because of his fire abilities his skin is warmer than average, and the warm pleasant feeling of chroma building makes it just a bit warmer.
He's not used to this, and he's not sure how long to keep their hands pressed together.]
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He wasn't confident he understood this response and though it may be unique to this world, he can't help but wonder if some of the scientists back home might have a better explanation for what is happening between Todoroki and himself. As if it were yet to be discovered - a better way in connecting with one another, a more efficient way? Or did this make things more complicated?
This was the first time he'd held onto someone here, like this, purposely for this alone. Todoroki was the only person here he felt safe enough to do so, in any case. Kanda finally pulls his hand back and his fingertips purposely draw down the other man's larger hand and pinch together in a caress at the center of Todoroki's palm. He pulls his hand back then, his forefinger and thumb pressed together, and he looks at his fingers, as if he was pulling a thread from the other's flesh - but nothing was there, save for the residual feeling of the man's chroma.)
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He keeps quiet because he doesn't want to interrupt Kanda's focus, and his stare goes back to the smaller hand touching and exploring his palm. It feels nice to have this sort of contact. Like when Kanda touched his wrist just before but better. How much of that was because of the chroma and how much was something else? He doesn't want to think about it, so he pulls his hand away, making a fist with it and opening his hand again to look at it.]
I don't understand how it works. [He mumbles the words quietly after a moment, still feeling residual heat on his palm. It doesn't feel bad, but he doesn't want to allow himself to admit that he enjoyed it either. At least it had been with Kanda and not anyone else he wouldn't trust to make contact with.]
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For a moment he forgets what he's doing so he brings his eyes up to stare at Todoroki instead. He's lost in the bewilderment of it all, how could a world collect so many different people from so many different worlds or parallel universes, or even timelines on the same world? It was enough thought to encourage the overwhelming stupor he feels for being lost in the thick of it.
Wine.. right.
Kanda breaks the stare and lowers his attention to his task at hand: it's simple, it's manageable, it's far more kind than trying to draw any sense of their position here, their meaning of life here.
Once he fills a glass full he immediately brings it to his lips and drinks the room-temperature liquor. It goes down smoothly and sweetly. It's about as much as he can tolerate, anything sweeter would be too much.)
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Yes, the wine. It slipped his mind as well.]
Thank you.
[Just as soon as his gets poured, Enji does the same. It warms him up on the way down. Adding fuel for the fire he could burn if he wanted to. But there's no need for flames here when he's safe at home and in good company. He thinks Kanda is better company that he could have hoped for. Even at home he had very few people he could trust this much.]
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He knew better, however, this wasn't something he could will away because it was uncomfortable. It was more uncomfortable due to the fact that he felt as if he had no control over it, like he would eventually need to have skin on skin contact. For the longest time he only counted on himself, on his own power, on his own ability to heal and recover.
This world told him he needed others. He needed Todoroki - which wasn't too far off the mark, seeing as how he's come to depend on him so much already.
Kanda idled with the glass of wine, sipping every so often, while his thoughts came and went.)
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Maybe refusing it was not going to be possible forever, and when that happened who would it be with What would the circumstances be like? Enji frowns and sips his drink as well. There were very few people here that he trusted enough to entertain that thought with, but Kanda was slowly inching his way up that short list.]
The wine isn't bad. Thank you.
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His usual response to someone who brushed past him, touched him, put their hands on him was to move away from that contact - but he didn't really sit for long in thought about the transgression. Here, however, it was undeniably something on the forefront of his mind. It wasn't just touching, either, it was the encouragement of kissing, copulating, being so intimately physical with one another. As if something like that was easy to do - was it easy?
Kanda wasn't normal even in his culture by a long shot, an artificial human raised in a fish tank until he was nine years of age. He's only been on his feet for about a decade - and his time was pretty much all focused on the Black Order's agenda. He sat there for some time, lost in his thoughts, a common space Todoroki would have recognized Kanda to be in by now.)
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He considers his options for realistically managing to survive in a place that requires such things, and at some point he will have to do some form of moonlacing, but hopefully it won't be forced on him. After a long slow breath he takes another drink from his glass and glances at his new room mate again. He still seems very deep in thought, so without prompting he takes the bottle to pour just a bit more wine into each glass. Just a bit more before bed seemed alright.]
I shouldn't keep you away from other things you have planned. Thank you for eating with me, we'll do it again. Often, I hope.
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Yes.
(He brings his eyes up to the other's and looks between them before he settled his eyes on the red hair. His lips part just enough for a breath before he speaks again.)
I can prepare our next meal.
(He then finds himself wanting to warn the other:)
Though, it may be bland to your palate.. so.. if you would tell me the seasoning you prefer I can incorporate them in the preparation.
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fin?
Yes β₯